Adult Friendships

🤝 Hi Digital Travelers,

Welcome back to adulting! I hope you are having a lovely week. Grab a cup of coffee (or your preferred drink of choice) and let’s get into it.

Today, I want to talk about a topic that seems as confusing as quantum mechanics - adult friendships.

👾 Adulting Lesson

Adult friendships refer to the relationships we form with people in our lives during adulthood.

These friendships can be with people we meet through:

• Work

• School

• Social Events

• Common Interests

Unlike our childhood friendships that are generally built on proximity, adult friendships require more effort to develop as well as maintain.

Adulthood means everyone is responsible for their own lives. This means they need to get all of their ducks in order on their own.

They need to work a job, cook, exercise, study, and scheme to start a business to take over the world (you know how it goes).

Due to all of these responsibilities, we only have so much time to nurture our friendships.

To prove this point below is a graph showcasing who Americans spend their time with versus their age.

As you can see, from age 15 - 30 we go from spending 130 minutes a day with our friends to about 53 minutes, a 59% decrease.

In the same time frame, we get an increase in spending time with our partner (+100%) and alone (+23%) (hence why it’s so important to pick the right partner as well as learn to be alone, but that’s for another letter).

With this decrease in time spent with our friends, we have to be more thoughtful about who we decide to spend time with.

So, how do we decide who we choose as friends and manage that relationship?

I’ll tell you.

Be Intentional

The first thing to making and maintaining the right adult friendships is to be intentional about your friendships.

Throw out the quantity and focus only on the quality.

We become the average of the five people we spend the most time with. If we hang out with pessimists we’ll become the sixth, if we spend time with optimists we’ll become the sixth. Simple.

So the question about who to choose as friends is as simple as asking yourself who you want to become.

Do you want to hang out with a friend who goes to the bars after work or a friend who goes to the gym after work? The choice is yours.

Be Vulnerable

In the age of digitalization, we have learned to hide behind the mask of our phones and profiles. This has cascaded into our physical lives to a point where we can be afraid to share our insecurities, pain, and fears with people we consider friends.

Every person struggles. If all of your friends have a great peachy life and never have a single complaint then they don’t feel safe enough with themselves or with you.

An adult friend is someone who supports you through your worst times. Not someone who supports you through the best times. Understand the difference.

Accept Differences

Today, everyone only cares about being right. Voting for the right person, reading the right books, using the right apps, and working the right jobs.

Nobody is right in adult friendships.

Embrace your differences and opinions. Have friends that are worthy opponents.

Be Present

Be with people who make you forget about your responsibilities. Now, not in an irresponsible way that has a negative effect on your life.

But, in a way where you are so filled with joy that you forget about everything else going on.

This is more easily achieved by having friends with common interests. But aim to spend time with people who make you feel present. Avoid those who make you check your phone every five minutes.

Summary

Adult friendships are hard.

Especially when we are more isolated than ever thanks to technology (love and hate it).

Friends are a crucial part of the experience of life. They make the bad times hurt less, and make the good times feel great.

They provide us with a sense of belonging, support, and opportunities to have new experiences.

We tend to lose friends we never thought we would as we grow. Whether it be from a falling out, distance, or a third option I couldn’t think of that you probably just did (thanks reader, all part of my game).

The point is, people will come and go in our lives.

Whether that be from our decision, theirs, or mutually.

The adult friends you make and keep are all about the effort you each put into it.

So, cherish them while they are here. And be grateful for them once they go.

📝 Actionable Advice

1. To be Intentional:

• Write out your goals and what activities you love.

• Then identify if your friends are working toward similar goals or share the same interests as you.

• The rest will do itself.

2. Be Vulnerable

• Have a deep conversation with your friend.

• Ask questions like, if they are happy, what are they afraid of, or what they want to accomplish.

3. Accept Differences

• Have a debate with your friend.

• Is money good or is money evil? Argue away.

4. Be Present

• Look for the times you are on your phone, is it when you are with certain people or doing certain things?

• Look for the times when you are not on your phone, is it when you are with certain people or doing certain things?

🎙️ Quote of the Week

✌️Closing Time

Thank you for all of your support, everyone. If this moved you or made you think of an important friend - feel free to share it with them. Remember, you are not alone.

Also, I am going to move forward with this new template of splitting the newsletter up into sections. AKA - Intro, Adulting Lesson, Actionable Advise, Quote, Closing Time.

Let me know if you love or hate it.

I’ll talk to you next time.

Cheers,

Mike